I’m about a week and a half into this thing and I’m starting to run out of steam.
I know that’s bad.. really bad, since I’ve still got a good 50 weeks, and 356 days, left.
Today is one of those days when I blindly passed through without much thought.
The best I can muster for the day is that I shouldn’t care, which isn’t much to take from the day… or is it?
Not caring definitely would have helped me with the dating dilemma, if I didn’t give a crap I could have easily told both of those guys to shove off.
By the way I did turn both of them down, one gently, the other not so much so.
Getting back to the topic at hand, when I don’t care, I really do feel confident, like I have my power, but I haven’t felt that way in a while, at least in my personal life.
At work my confidence is fine, I’m at the top of my game and I don’t have to think very much about anything.
I don’t give a crap is actually one of our new favorite phrases at work… as in ‘I’m sorry I’d love to help you but my give a crap is gone’. Ok crap is a gentle word for what we generally share with each other but you get the idea.
As I mentioned, in my personal life it’s another story… I get analysis paralysis, and I think and overthink so much that I can’t do anything, and when I am able to do something it’s awkward.
I’m afraid to screw things up, and not be perfect so I don’t do anything at all.
I did briefly date a guy earlier this year and it was absolutely phenomenal at least in that regard.
He was young… really young… 26 young… and I didn’t seem to care because I didn’t think it was going anywhere.
I was right, but while we were dating it was liberating to not have to worry so much about each move I was making and calculate and plan everything. I just went with the flow, at one point I actually felt a little drunk when I was with him, and I hadn’t even had a drink!
Maybe that’s the key, in order to regain my confidence and get my ‘give a crap’ back I need to continue on to bobcat-town population 1 (I’m not quite up to cougar status yet) and get my dating game up to par.
Once I know I have conquered the younger crowd I can advance to boys my own age…. they really aren’t all that much different. To quote my mother ‘if you think they ever grow up your sadly mistaken’.
In the meantime maybe I’ll hit the gym and get my abs and butt in shape, that can’t hurt… especially with swimsuit season upon us and lots of twenty somethings running around!
That’s enough for day 357… my give a crap is gone… and I have a date with Jack Bauer and the series finale of 24.