Day 342: PTSD

I think I have PTSD from my job. It’s not a dangerous job by any stretch of the imagination, but I do feel traumatized on what feels like a daily basis.

When you think about it it’s not much different… but then again, since I’ve never been in prison I’ll have to lean on my years of watching Law & Order for experience.

We do have what I like to call a prison number which identifies us in ‘the system’.

If you stop to talk to someone they give you the stink eye, because they feel like you are abusing the system and not working every minute of your 8 hour day.

I’ve even considered picking up a pack of candy cigarettes so I can pretend to smoke just so I can get a 15 minute break!

Some days I’ll put off going to the bathroom for hours on end because I have so much work I can’t pull myself away.

Sounds crazy doesn’t it? Ask anyone in the tv business and they will all tell you the same thing. I’m not the only freak who does this, its very common. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if there is an entire generation of incontinent producers in a few decades because of the damage we do to our bladders.

Maybe it’s our competitive nature, or our constant fight to beat the clock, but whatever it is, the more they pile on me, the more I feel I need to get it all done which really just has me looking for a straight jacket at this point.

My phrase of the day? What doesn’t kill you may make you crazy.

Ok, enough of that, there aren’t any jobs out there so I might as well put on my orange jumpsuit and report to prison for another sentence.

I guess buried the lead for today.

Just about the time I had written off Starbucks guy, he went and half way asked me out this morning.

I was convinced after yesterday’s chat that it could just be a series of friendly encounters, but today, Mr. Starbucks said ‘maybe we should hang out, outside of our morning caffiene fix sometime’.

This happened as we were walking out to our cars, and after he bought my coffee again. I was about 3 feet from my car door, so I said ‘sure, yeah…. that sounds good’ and started to get into my car.

We both followed it up with a ‘have a great day!’ and that… was that.

It seemed a little awkward at the time, but nothing shameful… that is until I got to work and told the girls I had been ‘kind of’ asked out.

When I gave them the details, one immediately started googling to find a picture (she’s the google queen), while the others sat there with astonished looks on their faces like I had told them I had committed some serious crime.

One said, ‘would it have killed you to give him your number?’

Another chimed in ‘wow if he asks you out again you better be prepared.’

I know… I know…. its no wonder I’m single.

Hindsight has killed me my entire life. As I sit here and think about it, I should have given him my number or said ‘sure, when is a good time for you?’

I think I just need to slow down… maybe wake up earlier so I’m not in such a rush, and maybe then I’ll be able to think of something encouraging to say if he asks again.

I could have also been running away. I’m still not convinced I need to go out with him, but then again…. as my mom would say ‘it never hurts to make a friend.’

I think I have a little PTSD from my love life too. Aye yie yie…. I thought this would get easier as I got older, but it may actually be worse.

Seriously it’s like God’s little curse!

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