Day 313: The ‘m’ word

Today at lunch I overheard someone say ‘8 years of marriage’ and it made me uncomfortable.

I don’t know why, they weren’t talking to me, or about me, just a general random statement.

It’s funny because just the other day I was saying to myself ‘I need to settle down, becaues I can’t take much more of my recent crazy antics.’ But I don’t know that I want to ‘settle down’.

Even when I met Mr. Wonderful I wasn’t set on marriage. After we started dating for a while, I certainly was, and I knew it was right. So I guess I’m back to square one again, and I think that scares me a little bit.

It makes me wonder if I really can find what we had again? Everyone says its possible and deep down I do believe it is, but I also wonder if I’m ready.

Not that I’m going to give up and stop trying because I don’t know, but would I know it if I saw it. Or am I distracted by what I think is a possibility, like Fargo.

That’s another thing. I started to realize today that we are in different places in our lives. As much as I don’t have any idea who this guy is, because I’ve only known him a total of 72 hours, he is very career driven at this point. He’s young and eager and wants to move up the corporate ladder.

I do like a guy with ambition and I think that’s awesome! It’s part of the reason I’m attracted to him. I, however am in a completely different place in my life. I’m perfectly content with my job, sure I would be happy to move into a senior producer role, but that’s it. I do remember those days, and I remember being ready to do what it took to get me to the next level of my job.

I know that’s not a deal breaker, but it could cause some problems down the road I would think. But I need to stop thinking about down the road before today has ended.

Unless its thinking about a party! I’m starting to plan my Christmas in July party and I’m getting pretty excited about it.

I have been talking about doing it for years, and now that I’m in the last year of my 30’s I think it’s about time to get on it.

This way, someday down the road when this becomes a tradition for me, I can say I’ve been doing it since I was in my 30’s.

Back to the plan… I’m thinking I turn the air waaaay down, crank the holiday tunes (Jimmy Buffett Christmas Island seems appropriate), throw a yule log DVD in for effect and get the party started!

Now I just have to work on the food… Christmas cookies and beer doesn’t seem to be that appealing.

Two weeks and counting.

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