Day 160: Just suck it up and do it

I woke up this morning knowing I need to do this weekend event… experience… conference… whatever it is… but still not wanting to do it.

But I just need to suck it up… what’s it going to hurt? So I called the gal back and told her I was ‘in’. She responded pretty quickly and told me she was going to send me some paperwork to fill out.

I didn’t feel much better when I looked at the paperwork. A document stating I will need to be without my cell phone and email for 48 hours, and to bring any medication, glasses, contacts, etc. with me in a backpack… or fanny pack.

Ok, so I’ve already decided this won’t be the most stylish bunch of people if we are all carrying around fanny packs.

The other document was a waiver of liability, releasing the company from any property damage, or bodily harm…. at this point I started to get a little freaked out.

I’m sure it’s just a formality, but when you have no idea what you’re going to be doing it certainly makes you think.

I pretty much obsessed about it all day long.

What is going to happen, what am I going to learn, why do I have to carry things with me?… are they going to make me sleep in bunk beds?… will there be group activities?… what about water boarding? can I take my flask?… on and on and on.

But again, I know it’s a good thing to do I just don’t want to do it.

It reminds me of when I was a kid and my mom made me go to some camp. I din’t want to go. None of my friends were going and I wasn’t particularly interested in it at all.

But of course I went because I didn’t have a choice in the matter, and after it was all said and done I had a good time and made some new friends.

Sure I didn’t talk to them after high school and I couldn’t even tell you their names now but I guess the moral of the story is sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do because you know they will be good for you… and this is one of those things.

After work I met up with Perky to go to Zoo Lights. I had planned to ask the wine guy to go with me, but changed plans mid stream after Monday’s turn of events.

This is much better anyway. Her husband is working out of town and I don’t get to hang out with her as often as I would like… so we’re going to make a girls night out of it.

We walked around, had a cocktail and ate like fiends and as we were driving back to work to get my car, we started talking about the weekend event again.

She kept trying to get me to pin down what makes me so anxious about going, and as we started talking and throwing out ideas I started crying.

Somehow feelings surrounding Mr. Wonderful came up. THIS is what I’m afraid will happen in front of 15 strangers. Who likes to cry in public or in front of people they don’t know?

Aaaaaggggghhhhh!!!! You never know when it’s going to hit. 2 1/2 years and I’m still trying to figure it all out. Maybe I never will.

Perky and I had a nice long conversation and the funny thing is after a lot of comments and suggestions flying in both directions… at the end of it all Perky said… ‘I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for you.’

I had to laugh, on so many levels. Because she did give me a lot of advice, and just the hilarity that we talked for so long with no measurable outcome.

Finally, it was funny because I wasn’t really looking for any advice just someone to help calm my fears and maybe just maybe help me solve the mystery that is going to be my life in a few days.

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